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Suck Industries Three Thousand

Wow. To say the premiere of Knight Rider last night was great would be an exaggeration. To say it was mediocre would also be an overstatement. I’m not sure of the appropriate term for a show this bad, but I think Shitacular probably comes as close as anything else. Painfully-Long-Ford-Commercial would be a close second.

Where to start? Now there’s a question that’s more difficult than you might think. Should I attempt to address the horrible acting first? The abyssmal writing? Val Kilmer’s sad attempt at voice-work? The frequent and obvious product-placement? I just don’t know. Maybe it’s best to say it this way; The show was a horrible stew of rancid food, cooked by an inebriated and diseased chef. No part of it was worse than any other part. The casting director was surely doing lines of coke with the screen-writer and a Ford executive when this show was created. I can’t otherwise see how this could be considered anything other than a miserable pile of steaming fail.

Okay, to be honest, there was actually one part that didn’t make me gag. The special effects. Though they didn’t really make sense, they were well done. The few times that KITT repelled bullets or changed appearances, it was pretty neat. But nowhere neat enough to make up for the rest of the mess.

That’s about all I have to say on the matter. If you watch the upcoming show on NBC, I take no responsibility. I’ve done my duty and warned you. What you do from here is on your head.