Honest Ape

Every day, I see sites that are telling me how to DIY shit. Making shit out of other shit is popular as fuck right now. Camera tripods out of plastic bottles, Media Players out of Xboxes, Horses out of Pigs, etc. What the fuck? DIY isn’t a craze. It’s what poor people do when they can’t afford to buy the real deal.

You know why I have duct tape covering the gap between my window frame and my air conditioning unit? Because I can’t afford a wider air conditioning unit or central air. And guess why I have duct tape wrapped around my broken Xbox 360 headset? Do you think I want a duct-taped piece of shit headset? No. There’s a word for that kinda stuff, and it ain’t DIY. It’s ghetto.

You know that nerd in school with broken glasses and the piece of electrical tape holding them together? He wasn’t a poor nerd. Nooo… He was a DIY afficianado. And you were an asshole for making fun of him.

Do you think that rich people DIY shit? Of course they don’t! They B-U-Y shit. Because they can. And because shit you pay money for works. If it doesn’t, you buy more shit. Or you pay someone to do your shit for you.

You want to DIY yourself a VGA cord to hook your Xbox up to your PC? You seriously want to solder shit that you’re going to plug into your computer?? Go right ahead. Just be sure to have your escape route planned for the ensuing electrical fire. Me? I’m going to suffer until I have enough money to never DIY a fucking thing. Now pass me the duct tape. My coffee cup’s sprung a leak.