A few years ago, I found out that one of my best friends from childhood was going to jail for molesting his step-daughter. I discovered this very horrible fact through a random encounter from his sister. It wasn’t alleged. He admitted that he was doing it and had been for some time. As soon as I found this out, I made the understandable choice not to contact him again. In my opinion, this is a pretty unforgivable act. I was shocked and dismayed and confused.
Every once in a while, I see something that reminds me of him. For a moment, I forget what he did and I miss him. And then I feel guilty for doing so. It’s hard to describe the mix of emotions I feel. What he did has colored every good memory I have of him. It has also made me question how I could have been such good friends with someone who would do something so horrible. How could I have been best friends with a guy and not know what he was capable of? I just don’t know…
June 9th, 2009 at 5:03 am
Sorry you feel that way, Mr. Ape. I guess I’m lucky for the fact that I knew the molester in question and have no such mixed emotions about him. Yeah I have a very homogeneous block of disgust sprinkled with a lack of surprise.
On the other hand, the other fella we both knew who was a registered sex offender was a bit of a shocker.
June 9th, 2009 at 6:10 am
It’s a bit of a tough one isn’t it. I think if anything it shows how different people can be from how you know them, no matter how well you think you do.
Don’t suppress good memories, they are what make you the way you are today.
June 9th, 2009 at 7:25 am
As bad as it is to say, the child molester part of him was only a part. And whilst it does indeed colour (and imo should) your current opinion of him, you had no idea at the time.
There should be no guilt in remembering the good times with him, only regret at what he turned into.
June 9th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Dude it is a very complex issue. I feel for you I found out the same thing about a very close family member not to long ago. My opinion on child abuse has changed quite a bit since reading about the guy who started acting inappropriate to females and children. Turns out he was growing a brain tumor. The tumor was removed and his behavior went back to normal. mabey a year or so later he started being creepy again to his step daughter. Turns out the tumor had returned. I feel like we as a society will never mend this problem untill we start treating it like a medical issue. Not all cases mind you some situations are beyound reason. anyway thats my musing on the issue, sorry you have to go through such a conflict in your head.
June 29th, 2009 at 11:16 pm
Sorry about loosing a friend. I don´t think you should feel guilt though for missing the good person you knew.
I read a great book recently about a Swedish artist who had a tuff upbringing. The only good person around him was his grandmother who encouraged him in his art and offered a sanctuary when his parents were mean. Later he realized she was a nazi. He wrote beautifully about good and evil and how someone can be a saint (like she was to him) and a beast at the same time.
June 30th, 2009 at 3:58 am
@6ft5: Thanks. It’s a weird combination of feelings and hard to deal with. But I think you’re right. I can remember the good and realize that some people can be filled with good and evil at the same time. One doesn’t negate the other…
Also, what’s the name of the book you’re talking about? It sounds like something I’d like to read.