hOnest aPe

In which my grandfather is responsible for my hard-on

The other day, we went to my Grandparent’s house so that I could set up their computer. I had already taken the hunk of a PC they got free from a friend and set it up at home, but I still needed to hook them up to the web. Which, unfortunately, means dealing with dial-up.

I know that millions of people still use dial-up. But, to me, using dial-up is roughly akin to committing suicide over a period of nine agonizing hours. Maybe ten.

Once I called the phone company to get the details that were supposedly contained in my grandfather’s scrawled note, I actually got online pretty quickly. Well, I was connected quickly. Nothing thereafter was quick.

It may have said it was connected at 31kbps, but it was only downloading at 2-3kbps. So, the free anti-virus software I kept trying to download and install was going to take close to 2 hours to download.

While killing time upstairs, waiting for the files to download, my grandfather decided to show us the many porn channels he was getting free over the satellite. Also worth mentioning, my grandma, brother, sister-in-law and new nephew (post on that to follow) were chilling out in the kitchen while my Grandma made lunch for us all. Oh yeah, the kitchen opens directly into the living room, so the television was clearly visible to everyone.

First up was some nudity-filled game show on Playboy Español. Not so offensive. Just nudity. Nothing to get too worked up over. We were all laughing about it. Then came the four naked lesbians making out. Soft core only, but it did prompt my grandmother to tell gramps to watch something else. Which he promptly ignored. He made it clear that he was taking our visit as an excuse to watch the channels he never got to. So, next up, he puts on the US playboy channel, showing two couples fucking. Still soft core, no penetration, but dirty enough that I am starting to feel a little uncomfortable and wish that he would turn it back to whatever was on before the cavalcade of porn. At this point, no one in the kitchen was watching, as my grandmother continued to tell gramps to change the channel. She’s no prude, not by a long shot, but it was an uncomfortable situation, and her protestations were warranted as far as I was concerned. But then…..then came the icing on the porn cake. On the next channel he picked, there was something that finally made him blush and immediately change channels. A good ol’ fashioned, hardcore blow job.

As you know if you have read this post, my Grandmother is pretty damn cool. She’s hard to offend and is pretty open about most topics. Which is why she detailed for us the time she accidentally came across a circle jerk on a gay porn channel. In her opinion, the guys weren’t necessarily gay, as they didn’t touch each other. Some were likely were just in it for the money.

If you tell me that your last visit with your Grandparents was even remotely as interesting, you’re a lying douche-bag and you deserve a punch in the cock or vagina, as applicable.