Honest Ape

I’ve been watching Def Comedy Jam a lot lately, and I’m noting an acute lack of white comedians. You know what that means? Opportunity. An opportunity for a white comedian to step in and fill that gap. And that comedian should be me. So, after analyzing episode after episode of The Jam, I think I know exactly what the audiences are looking for, and have developed a comedy routine that should really knock their socks off. So, without further ado, I’d like to present you with an excerpt of said routine. Comments are welcome.

“You know, I kid, but there are a lot of differences between white folks and black folks. You know what I’m talking about. The things we all know, but no one talks about. Well, I’m here to talk about them.

You ever seen a white person in a grocery store? Where’s the first place they go? Right, they go straight for the green beans. The green beans? What? Not a black person, hell no. A black person goes into a grocery store and you know where they’re going first; The DAAAIRY SECTION! Right? See, this brother knows what I’m talking about. Brothers and their half and half.

Or check out a white person in a Best Buy. Try to get in-between them and the headphone section. Just try. It’s like trying to get between a dog and a hamster. But a black person walking into Best Buy? Man, you know right where they’re going - The external HAAARD DRIVES. Yeah, that’s right. The fucking back-up devices, man. What is it with black folks and their portable storage?

But really, you know, we’re all the same. We might do things differently, but at the end of the day, we’re the same. Black or White, we gotta be having our pudding, right? Ain’t no one doesn’t like a good bowl of pudding. And we all like cruise control.”

So, there’s a good chunk of it. What do you think? Too controversial? Not controversial enough? Let me know. I gotta get it perfected before I send my demo tape to the producers.