Honest Ape

Modern nude photography sucks. Why? Simply put, it’s the asshole. What’s with all the asshole close-ups? Seriously, once you see a girl’s asshole, the mystery’s gone.

Talk about a colossal fail. M. Night Shyamalan’s latest film, the Happening, recently made its way to DVD. And, for some stupid reason, we thought it might be enjoyable. I mean, the trailer was pretty cool, right? People killing themselves en masse, for no reason? Intriguing. Unfortunately, the movie fails to deliver on any level. [...]

I’m trying to figure out where the hell I am right now. I thought it was America, but over the last week, I’d swear I somehow ended up in Germany in 1932. It surely couldn’t be America that was having political events composed of angry mobs. Mobs who call their opponents terrorists, traitors and commie [...]

It seems pretty well accepted by non-believers that Scientology is a made-up, fruity cult. You won’t get any arguments here. I mean, that’s what I think it is. But what, exactly, makes it more (or less) of a cult than the more “reputable” Christianity? What makes one a cult and one a religion?
It’s not their [...]

The Fourth of July. Independence Day. A day to light things on fire. A day that we don’t have to go to work. A day for barbecues. A day to remember a bunch of wig-wearing white men declaring our independence from England. Which is a good thing, right? Right?
Did we come out ahead? Let’s not [...]

In my opinion, Michelle Malkin is a giant fucking bitch. And anyone who eats the shit she spews is a fucking shit-eating dumb fuck. I know I’m exceeding my MFPP (maximum fucks per post) with this entry, but I can’t help it. This waste-of-air is beyond abhorrent. As far as I am concerned, she is [...]

Valentine’s Day is a fucking stupid holiday. If you need a holiday to get you to show your loved one how much you care, you’re doing it wrong. You should show them how much you love them every day. Valentine’s Day is, for many men, like Church is for bad Christians. Be a shit all [...]

Ouch. Hillary Clinton must be applying some ointment to her ass today, because Barack Obama just dealt her one hell of an ass-whupping on Saturday. No, not in the literal sense. What am I talking about, you ask? Obama swept the primary and caucuses on Saturday. That’s what I’m talking about. He’s closed the gap [...]

So, my wife was kind enough to send me the above picture, in which Alexa Vega is doing her best to look sexy as fuck. Yes, it’s the same Alexa Vega who starred in…..Spy Kids. I told you I was a dirty old man. Twenty or not, it seems wrong to lust after some chick [...]

To those that voted for Hillary Clinton in the Primaries: Do you want a Republican in office again? Do you really want more of the same? Because voting for Hillary is pretty much guaranteeing a Republican victory. Republicans HATE Clinton. Shit, I can’t stand her. And I’m no Republican. Faced with the choice of McCain [...]