God is fucking great.
Seriously. God is fucking great. I mean, that motherfucker can snap his fingers and smite a whole fucking city. Can you do that? I sure as shit can not. I can barely snap my fingers, let alone smite anything. I wouldn’t even know where to start. He just decides to smite some [...]
I want to share with you the lyrics from two songs written by Bad Religion, released 11 years apart. While only one was written specifically to address the current administration, the 11 year old “American Jesus” could just have easily been released in the same year as the recent “The Empire Strikes First.” In fact, [...]
John, from Pirate Master, has the coolest description of a person on any reality show I’ve ever seen: Scientist / Exotic Dancer. His description on their site is even more specific, calling him a Junior Scientist / Chippendale’s Dancer. Sure, he’s a fucking douchebag, but c’mon… Scientist / Exotic Dancer??
The only job title better than [...]
So…yet another dry spell here at Honest Ape. As usual, it has more to do with my medical issues and less to do with a lack of desire or commitment to post. In fact, I have so many things I’ve saved to write that I continually have to weed out the older ones, with every [...]
Words are failing me on this one. If only Jerry Seinfeld were here today, he’d surely say “Who are the marketing geniuses who came up with this name?”
Kelvin and Kelsey Roth are some cool-ass motherfarmers. In addition to making enough comments on my site to make me feel all warm and fuzzy, they send me a lot of cool links. Sure, Kelvin comments more and sends me more emails, but that doesn’t make Kelsey the second-best Roth brother. No, the fact that [...]
How many times have you ordered food from the drive-through of a fast food restaurant? More than once? Then I bet you’ve gotten the wrong order before. In fact, If you’ve only ever gone to a fast food drive-through once, I bet your order was screwed.
My wife and I go to fast food drive-throughs all [...]
Watching HBO’s new comedy, “Flight of the Conchords,” you’ll find it hard not to draw comparisons to a previous HBO comedy, Tenacious D. Like T.D., Flight of the Conchords is a half-hour comedy about two slackers trying to make it as a band. Each episode is meandering, odd and hilarious, and each features two or [...]
This picture isn’t an example of my mighty Photoshop prowess (though it is, indeed, mighty). Nope, this is the real deal, folks. It’s what happens when a zebra and a horse get a little drunk on a Saturday night, start talking about their favorite oats, maybe share some sugar cubes and carrots….Then, one thing leads [...]